Thursday, 2 May 2013

Tips for writing awesome. Like what I do.

I am not a serial killer. I just feel like one.

I don't know what it's like to be a vampire. I really don't. And yet I can write about being a vampire. It's not about knowing what a vampire is. It's about characterizing the vampire. If you can put yourself in the frame of mind of the vampire, feel the vampire, the actions will flow. You'll know what to do.

Never cross the line. What line?

Being of sound mind and body, like all writers (not the alcoholic, socially retarded, weirdy-beardy I may lead you to believe), there are social conventions that one never speaks of. There is the line. But that's real life. Writing isn't real life. Writing is a fairytale land where unicorns frolic amidst golden showers, and everything is fapulous. As a great man once said, "'re so far past the line that you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!" How right he was.

A great man. Wise.

Dip your toes in the syrupy goodness of genre.

Yeah. Try something new. You might like it. And if you don't? It's experience. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

You should expressly avoid writing too much.

Said no one, ever.

Stuck? Experiment like a teenager at college.

I've had writers block. It's awful to sit there and not know where to go, what to write, especially when in the middle of something. The usual advice is, "Just write. Anything. It will start the juices flowing." And it's good, sound advice. But it's not easy advice. Wanna tip? It doesn't matter where you are, or what your characters are doing, just throw something in. The most inexplicable thing you can imagine. After all you can change anything, right? You're the puppet master. Middle of a wake? Emotional turmoil got you stuck? Have a postal worker burst in and kill ever last motherfucking one of them. Hostage situation? Tense? Nail biting? Orgy! It will put a smile on your face. And that's half the battle, kids.


Turn off the damned internet. Yes, you heard. I have a PC now that I write on that isn't connected to the web. It's like I'm in the dark ages. It's like I suddenly need to write letters to people and put them in envelopes and shit. But you know what? I write like a writer when I'm at that PC.


Hope this might help. If not? Sorry. My bad.


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