Out of context, unabridged, lines from real erotic fiction:
“Are you a virgin or not? Don’t drag this out, I only have three cookies.” (Mmm, cookies...)
“The next time something shitty happens, I’m going to think of you reading Sleeping
Beauty is Hung—”
“Or Demon Sex Doll: Part Three.”
He had a tree out in the lounge. (Don't we all?)
He really, really hoped that his intruder—if he even had one—would be so terrified by a
naked, flogger-wielding guy with a semi that they’d just run screaming into the night. (I would...)
I didn’t bother mentioning that he was the cause of those putrid smells.
Heading to the spot, I clutched the stained covering with one hand while slowly backing
Poking and prodding its surface and checking for critter infestation revealed that it was a
perfect spot to spend the night in reading and sleeping as it was uninhabited.
I cringed at the telephone call to my family and them having to identify my weirdly mutilated body.
Suddenly, my trousers fell down. (Said every 14 year old...ever)
What a sight we must have made bare breasts and cocks flopping about as we took our turns
around the piano.
Helping me sit up he motioned for Mr. Winchester to sit down on the sofa, and lifting me up
he sat me back down upon him. (Up, down, up down...)
I laughed at myself, but couldn’t shake the idea, so I decided to humor me.