Tuesday, 29 December 2015

How To ART.*


This is it.

Firstly, answer me this. What is...writing? Your writing? Mine? Anybody's? Yes. ANYBODY'S. It's simple. It's art, right? You're creating something that people will look at and appreciate. You know, like Matisse, and Rembrandt.

Jackson Pollock did this:

And it's pretty fucking amazing. No? Did I hear you correctly? It's bollocks? Oh, you're one of those. Well what about this?

This is by Constable:

Wow. I mean, look at the lighting. The Hay? The Wain? 

But, you're asking me now, what the fuck I'm talking about. Art. Look at the two pictures. Wait. Never mind. Look at the movements:

Abstract Expressionism; Academic Art; American Regionalism; American Scene; Art Deco; Art Nouveau; Arte Povera; Arts and Crafts Movement; Ashcan School; Barbizon School; Baroque Art; Bauhaus; Camden Town Group; Blaue Reiter; Brücke; Byzantine Art; Canadian Group Of Seven; Classicism; Contemporary Realism; Cubism; Cubist Realism (Precisionism); Dada; Der Blaue Reiter; Die Brücke; Die Neue Sachlichkeit; Divisionism (Pointillism); Early Renaissance; Expressionism; Fauvism; Futurism; Golden Age of Illustration; Gothic Art; Group Of Seven; Harlem Renaissance; High Renaissance; Hudson River School; Impressionism; Japanese Ukiyo-e; Les Nabis; Magic Realism; Mannerism; Minimalism; Nabis; Neoclassicism; Neo-Impressionism (Pointillism); Neo-Plasticism; Neue Sachlichkeit; Northern Renaissance; Op Art; Photorealism; Pointillism; Pop Art; Post-Impressionism; Precisionism; Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood; Realism; Regionalism; Renaissance, Early; Renaissance, High; Renaissance, Northern; Rococo Style; Romanticism; Sensation Show; Social Realism; Surrealism; Symbolism; Tonalism; Ukiyo-e; Victorian Classicism.

This is (one of) the list(s) of art movements as listed by Wikipedia.  

Every single one of these movements was created by some fucker saying, 

(paraphrased, of course)

You want to know what else? If Stephen King wanted to follow the rules of, what, say, Shakespeare, Carrie might have been written in iambic pentameter. Yeah. Think about that. Think real hard about that. Then Google it. Now back to me. See what I'm saying?

"News item from Westover (Me.) weekly Enterprise, August 19, 1966: RAIN OF STONES REPORTED."

Not so much Iamb, more...news report?

You want to follow the rules, then fine. I'm certainly not saying that's wrong. But breaking the rules, bending them... that's how you create something new. Something people want to talk about.

But you want to really go that extra mile?

'Cause that's the real secret. If you read this far, of course. (I know, a list art movements isn't exactly exciting.)

If you want to break the system. If you want to be a movement, firstly learn the rules. Learn every fucking one of them. You don't need to use them. But you should have used them. But once you know them, you know their purpose, you know why they are there, then you can break them.

Be an artist, and be able to use iambic pentameter in conversation with other people who also know what it is. (In other words don't be a pretentious cock-womble)    

Write some. It is, can be in the right hands, hauntingly beautiful. It brings gothic architecture to the page.

Then break it.

Use it.


*Or, "How to Make the Words From Your WordButt Yours."


  1. I've always said you need to learn the rules, and then figure out how to break them. Art is all about expression, and the key is to express yourself.

    1. That's the secret. Writing should be about expression over rules, like substance over style. Unless you want to write style without substance. I suppose by my own rules, I cannot argue either way. :P

      It's all good.