Wednesday, 2 March 2016

A Book to the Head

You keep telling yourself, it's just a story, it's just a story. But it's not, is it?

In the deep recess of the story-teller's mind lurks the darkness that they strive to put on paper. There hides themselves. All of their angst. All of their fear. It is what goes on the page. It's their neurosis.

It's their soul.

Fear can be a harsh mistress, but a forgiving lover. And it is fear that keeps them going. And fear that stops them dead.

Writing for the first time to contract, I have found new fear. Something that creeps in my darkness. As a writer writing for myself my fear was the same as most. I feared that no one would like my writing. I feared that it wouldn't be good enough. Now my fear is different. It is a new darkness.

I'm legally bound to provide work. It's a real, tangible, thing. I can't back away. I cannot let my mistress fear rule my heart or my head. It is now work, in the literal sense. Sometimes I don't want to go to work in the morning, but I must. Sometimes I fear putting the words down.

But now, I must.

But my lover fear will stand beside me. Fear of failure pushes me forward. And I have learned just one lesson.

Keep going. Let not the mistress fear hold you back. Use your fear.

Let your fear push you.

And from within the words will come...

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